Feedback done right: Giving it and getting it
Organizations love to talk about feedback. We build cultures around it, train managers to deliver it and encourage employees to be open to receiving it. In theory, feedback is the engine of growth. But in reality, it’s far more complicated. Because while we say we want feedback, we don’t always use it well. And while we’re encouraged to give feedback, we don’t always deliver it in ways people can actually hear. The result? Conversations happen, but behavior doesn’t change.
To make feedback actually work, professionals need to master two distinct and equally challenging skills: how to give feedback effectively and how to receive it productively.
When feedback goes wrong
Consider a common scenario: A manager tells a high-performing employee during a performance discussion, “You need to be more strategic.” The employee nods, leaves the meeting and does … absolutely nothing differently. Why? Because they don’t know what “more strategic” even means. Meanwhile, the manager assumes the message landed and gets frustrated when nothing changes. Months later, the same feedback resurfaces, this time with more urgency, and the employee feels blindsided. This is how feedback breaks down. Not because it wasn’t delivered but because it wasn’t clear or actionable.
The receiving side: Why feedback doesn’t land
Receiving feedback is not passive. Rather, it’s an active skill. Even experienced professionals feel an immediate internal reaction: defensiveness, explanation or quiet disagreement. We may appear receptive, but internally we’re filtering.
Strong receivers of feedback do three things differently:
• They separate message from delivery. Not all feedback is well said. Instead of dismissing it, ask yourself, “What part of this might be useful?” Don’t dismiss good feedback just because it was poorly delivered.
• They pause instead of reacting. The instinct to defend is strong but rarely helpful. Simple responses like, “That’s helpful, and I’d like to think about it,” create space for reflection.
• They look for patterns, not perfection. One piece of feedback may be off, but repeated signals are data.
The giving side: Why feedback misses the mark
On the other side, giving feedback often fails because it prioritizes expression over impact. We say what we think but not in a way that leads to change.
Here’s what works instead:
• Be specific and observable. Vague feedback creates confusion. Instead of, “Be more strategic,” try, “In recent meetings, you’ve jumped quickly into solving the problem. I’d like you to step back first and help the group define the bigger picture.” Clarity drives action.
• Focus on behavior, not identity. When feedback targets behavior, people can change it. When it feels personal, people resist it.
• Time it to be useful. Wait too long, and the feedback is irrelevant. Too immediate, and it may feel reactive. Effective timing balances relevance with thoughtfulness.
• Manage your own discomfort. Many people either dilute feedback to avoid awkwardness or deliver it bluntly out of frustration. Neither works. The goal is not to feel better after giving feedback by getting it off your chest. Rather, the goal is to help someone improve.
Closing the gap
Feedback often fails in the space between giving and receiving. The giver thinks, “I was clear.” The receiver thinks, “That didn’t apply to me.” What’s missing is alignment. Feedback is not about proving a point; it’s about creating shared understanding.
That means checking for clarity by asking, “What are you taking away from this?” and following up by explaining, “Here’s what progress looks like,” and reinforcing change when it happens. Without those steps, feedback becomes a one-time conversation instead of a development tool.
Final thought: Feedback is a skill, not a value
Most organizations don’t lack a commitment to feedback; they lack the capability to deliver it well. Feedback isn’t just about being honest or open. It’s about precision in how we speak and thoughtfulness in how we listen. Done well, feedback builds trust, sharpens performance and accelerates growth. Done poorly, it creates confusion, frustration and missed opportunity. In the end, feedback is effective only if both sides know how to make it work.
This article appears in June SBJ 2026.